Love Enough to Ask: What to Do When Someone You Care About May Be Suicidal

What do you do when your friend discloses to you that they don't want to keep living anymore?

Maybe part of you thinks they're just upset and they'll come around.

Maybe you're scared you'll make things worse by asking about suicide.

When someone talks about suicide, your job isn't to try to fix their problem.

You can help, however, by taking them seriously, staying connected, and helping them reach someone who can keep them safe.

Learn to Notice When Something Has Changed

Your friend doesn't have to say, “I'm suicidal,” for you to notice something isn't right.

Warning signs can include:

• Talking about wanting to die
• Saying there's no reason to live
• Feeling hopeless or trapped
• Saying they're a burden
• Suddenly withdrawing from friends
• Giving away meaningful possessions
• Saying unusual goodbyes
• Major changes in their sleeping habits as well as their moods
• Increased alcohol or drug use
• Taking dangerous risks
• Making or researching a suicide plan

Not every person experiencing these things is suicidal, and not everyone at risk shows obvious warning signs. But significant new or worsening changes deserve attention.

The ASK-STAY-TELL strategy can be used to help a friend you suspect might be thinking about ending their life.

ASK: Ask the Question

Suppose your friend says:

“Everybody would be better without me.”

Don't brush it off. Ask directly, “Are you thinking about suicide?”

Being direct gives your friend permission to tell you what's really happening.

Listen Before You Lecture (James 1:19)

If your friend says yes, resist the urge to give a sermon immediately.

Don't debate them or shame them by telling them it is wrong to think of killing themselves or that they are being selfish. A person in overwhelming emotional pain needs compassion and safety—not condemnation.

Don't Promise Secrecy

Your friend might say:

“Promise you won't tell my parents.”

If someone tells you they plan to hurt themselves, safety matters more than secrecy.

You can say:

“I care about you too much to keep something this serious a secret. I'm going to stay with you while we find someone who can help.”

STAY: If Your Friend Appears to Be in Immediate Danger, Don't Leave Them Alone

Get a responsible adult involved immediately and contact emergency support.

In the United States, call or text 988 for crisis support. If the situation is immediately life-threatening, call 911. (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)

TELL: Get an Adult Involved

If you're a teen, this is not a situation you should carry alone. Tell a:

• Parent
• Teacher
• School counselor
• Coach
• Pastor
• Youth leader
• Healthcare professional
• Contact 988 for guidance or crisis support in the United States.

Keep Showing Up After the Crisis

Support shouldn't end when the immediate crisis passes. Keep showing up for them and encourage them to continue professional treatment. Research has found that staying connected and following up with people at risk can help reduce future suicide risk.

Remember, you are not responsible for fixing your friend, but you can be the bridge that connects them with the help they need.